the heart loses a portion
when u take a piece of it
taste it
savour it
n spit it out
deciding its not e taste u like
but then u decide to try again
juz like u know how somethin w hurt u
but u juz do it anyway
juz because
then the heart loses another portion
n another
n another
until there is no more left
wat is left
are e rotten remants of ur spit
the chewed residue of the heart
the trust n frenship
the faith n goodwill
the smile n kindness
the heart chooses to live in pretense
n u play along w it
knowing well enuff
u hav no intention of piecing it back tog again
ur taste prefers another heart
another heart which broke urs
nw ur doing it to me
the heart can take it no more
it hurts n it has to be done
she takes a blade n slices the flesh raw
till she reaches the ventricles
n knots them up
hoping n praying all her feelings w not flow
to that heart
to that heart tt is no longer there
no longer loving
no longer smiling
no longer beating
the heart hurts

minahlian
- 9:30 PM

the things work makes u do..






anws.. me n joyce charbo headed out to bugis after her work.. i wanted to get a knee length black pants to match e tube top i wana wear for my 21th.. but shit.. found e perfect one..then dun have my blardy size.. like thank u la.. uncle said he w cal me back if any size or similar design.. arghhh..

pple who hav shopped w me know im a decisive shopper.. i like i buy.. if i like i dun buy.. i will die.. haha.. so irritated cannn..dun have my blardy sizee.. shit!

i got a guestbook for my guests to sign on my 21th.. e tot juz came to me suddenly before i fell asleep last nite.. funny how u can rack ur brains for somethin n not think of it.. but when u least expect it.. it juz comes to u..

anws.. wishlist has been requested by a no. of frens.. should i or should i not publish one? hmm

minahlian
- 11:27 PM

ah the wonderful complication of things
its like i see u smilin at me
and then i dont
i feel u holdin me
and then ur gone
i smell ur scent in the air
and then it evaporates
i hear the words ur sayin
and then it turns into lies
so near yet so far
ah its tt melancholy feelin yet again
is it time u need ?
i ask myself
or is it juz me that ur afraid of?
i pray not
should i let history repeat itself
im uncertain
one thing sure
i ll wait
but not for long
im not that patient with mind games
therefore
make ur move boy
before its too late
again
ah the wonderful complication of life

minahlian
- 2:52 PM

n a fren asks.. "drink so much for fuck?"

i couldn find a logical n politically correct ans for tt ques.. maybe cause there isnt any? feelin e repercussions now of gettin piss drunk last nite.. woke up feelin dizzy n nauseous.. not a very gd feelin man.. 2 days of heavy drinkin really takes its toll on u man.. a neighbour had to come get me on his bike at 3 in e mornin n i was amazed i could hang onto him in my drunken stupor.. got my ankle burnt on e exhaust of his bike.. reminder nv to drink tt much again!

e last time i got so drunk tt i puked.. i told myself id never drink till tt extent again.. but i guess.. tt promise is hard to keep huh.. a stupid ass frens fren pushed me into e swimmin pool n i was all drenched la.. haha..cant rem wat i was doin near e pool.. all i can rem was tt i was dancin around e baby pool.. well.. all in e name of gd fun la.. experience everythin at least once when u stil can afford to..

ma shoppin victories from GUESS e same day

adrienne, heineken n me

meet my end triumph- a knot in e cherry stick by urs truely-yup gd kisser =)

e game before i had to down a whole glass of tiger

there s only so long i can play e waiting game so pls dun take too long to figure out that wat u wan is me..

minahlian
- 11:49 AM

bought a bag of nice warm freshly roasted chestnuts from a road side vendor on e way back from sch for my grandma.. n few steps after i realized tt dearest grams had left for genting that mornin.. tot of givin it to my grandpa to eat.. but e house was as empty as a nutshell upon arrival home.. therefore.. little miss me had no choice but to eat it all by myself.. i dint like chestnuts tt much in e first place.. but today i realized tt the shells do actually smell pretty damn great.. like a woody warm cosy homely smell..hmm.. u realize some things dun taste as good as they smell.. chestnuts r one example.. the other would be durians.. cant think of other egs at hand.. but u know wat i mean rite.. like u smell somethin n u go "wow", but after u act hav a taste of it.. it isnt tt fantastic..


cant resist flauntin my new winter coat buy! whee!


n ladies n gentlemen.. here s stupidity for u.

minahlian
- 3:13 PM

somethin was freakin wrong w my blogskin e past days.. everyone else its seems except me could see my THANK U n REMINISE sections of my blog.. i tot it was my IE prob.. but another fren using IE has no prob viewin those sections.. few frens said it may be a cache prob n suggested me to clear all my temp internet files, cookies n history.. did tt.. still e same.. therefore i took dee s advice n dl mozilla firefox instead.. n yes! finally e 2 blardy sections can be seen.. hmm.. i wonder if e prob has to do w my uncle s com because i hav e same viewin prob w his com.. im not sure.. but our com is connected via a router.. not sure if tt s e prob thou.. haiz.. im damn tired cause of this shit la.. n in true ven style..i say.. THANK U LEH!

minahlian
- 11:43 PM

life has become more of a montonous routine ritual than anythin.. everyday its sch, home, nap, msn, tv, dinner, sleep, than e whole ritual starts again e next day.. im not sure if there is anythin for me to look forward to everyday.. im glad thou.. tt im turnin 21 in a mths time.. cause tt gives me somethin to look forward to.. im thankful to family n frens who hav shown much enthusiasm.. =)

in e last 4 months.. i hav been lookin for a reason to move on in life.. i tot tt if i found somebody else to invest all my time in.. things would be easier.. but no.. i ended up gettin hurt instead.. investment in e wrong person or pple kills urself instead..then u would hav to start from pt zero again.. i admit i haven fully moved on yet.. but at least im almost there.. without e need for another investment.. i did it.. not alone..but w frens n family.. for tt ..i thank these..

i say investment because u wan somethin to come outta it.. we put all our love effort n time into someone in e hope tt eventually somethin more w blossom.. when an investment goes wrong.. all u can do is to forgive urself, let it go n move along e to next hopefully betta deal.. i hav yet to forgive myself for e failure in achievin success in e last investment.. when tt investment falls into e hands of someone u deem ur enemy.. e feelin of defeat slaps back in ur face double e strength.. no doubt u ll feel sore n e pain.. i guess ive yet to attain tt ideal sportsmanship mentality.. im a sore loser yes.. but sore loser foreva.. no.. i refuse to..

minahlian
- 8:42 PM

goodbye again to dearest jacchoo whom i met up w today for shoppin spree n fooddd.. as always.. laughter n damn loud convos are always present when e two motor mouths r put tog.. i always enjoy time spent w her..althou she always late la! sigh.. if not for my grandparents i prob would have gone overseas w her for studies.. sigh.. one by one pple around me r leavin to go overseas for studies.. sigh.. goodbye is always hard to say..

after sayin goodbye again to her today.. i had tt weird sad heart wrenchin feelin again.. it was juz.. sad.. e last time she left for 3 months.. this time its gonna be 6 months.. when she comes back in nov.. 5 days later i wil be leavin for oklahoma for a month for studies..then prob few weeks at aunties place in oregon w kelvin.. sigh..

growin up is really not an easy task huh.. frens come n go.. u nv know when a fren will go.. or wat tt fren will be as of tml.. i guess its part n parcel of life.. nothin lasts for ever..juz like nothin promises tml today..therefore i say.. live each day like ur gonna die e next.. prim urself up however u like.. play dress up everyday.. one life.. live it..

minahlian
- 10:36 PM

glad to hear tt one of my posts regardin guys n how they should take into consideration girls n their preparation time.. n how they should inform n confirm in advance.. reached out to a guyfren of mine.. be it one individual whom my words made sense to.. its gd enuff.. =)

anws.. its confirmed! daddy booked e function room for e 17th of june.. apparently another individual wanted to book e room as well which resulted in a ballot as to which daddy won.. whee! alrighty pple whom ive invited.. pls come ya.. bring whoever.. n im sori for e damn informal way of informin u guys.. n i hope tt it wont be borin.. anyways its juz a gatherin la..so there wont be any fancy pancy games or events la..

u know i dint expect there to be soooo many pple to invite.. as in i was thinkin of juz invitin like frens id like to hav at my bday or id like to see after a damn long time..n there was like over a hundred! i mean like..shit im onli caterin for like 30 freakin pple..haha..lets hope there ll be enuff foooooddd.. haha.. n i cant believe e no. of frens who said YES to coming..its amazin wat a the number 21 can do huh.. even myself din think it was as mucha a deal..but its all good.. yeyy

cant believe im like turnin 21.. as in after all e happenings in life n all.. i should be like turnin 31 or somethin.. been thro alot n seems like i should hav been older man.. oh wells..im 21!! soon...

minahlian
- 7:00 PM

events today can juz be sumed up w the word weird.. i dint know today was mothers day.. but how can i forget w customers n frens constantly remindin me.. thus.. wat was weird today was tt... two guys act wanted to get to know me.. its been damn long since anyone has wanted to get my no. n two today.. man.. then e story unfolds.. i saw e cutest little girl wearin e smallest little dress holdin on to the elder brothers hand n walkin.. then.. i teared! yes teared!?!? goodness..i hav no freakin idea wat was wrong w me.. like guys wana know me? mothers day? see baby n cry? a sign? motherly sign? i duno u tel me..

anws one of e guy who wanted to get to know me looks vaguely like my ex..onli a fatter version ..he works juz at e topshop beside e place i work at..n he said he nv noticed me before.. onli this morn when i did openin onli for e second time since i started work then he noticed me.. it really doesnt help tt his malay n reminds me of my ex.. u know w e religion n all..n u know wat..i still rem my ex askin me while we were shoppin in topshop if he was as fat as him.. wat a coincidence.. anws e chinese collegue who came up to me on behalf of tt guy was pretty cute..hehe

ps.. his name is izad.. pronounced tt way bout spelt ? *waves to all e izads i know.. haha

minahlian
- 9:42 PM

y m i thinkin about u? when its been over so long.. in fact over before it even started i guess..so many disagreements.. so much fakin it.. we werent meant to be rite from e start.. pple adviced but i stuck to e notion of u n me tog.. it felt rite.. it felt good.. u felt rite.. u were my life.. i guess its time to admit i really did love u.. even thou i stil dunno wat it means. but wat im feelin nw.. cant be less than tt rite.. they say u nv forget ur first love.. i guess.. its true.. u said u dint feel e same for her anymore..but nw ur holdin her hand.. however much it hurt..i tried to earth it..u said u were nv happy w me at all.. those words til today lay etched in my mind.. u said i juz couldn accept e fact tt ur back w her or anybody else for tt matter.. yes u said rite.. n esp it being her.. call it inferiority to e ex or jealousy or however u might..i was nv confident tt i could surpass her n be a betta gf..n obviously i dint.. it juz isnt e best feeling in e world.. til today im so afraid of bumpin into u n her tog tt its killin me..i dun wan to look out everywhere for u.. i dun wana avoid places we used to go.. i dun wan memories to haunt me when im at places we used to be.. i hate the way u creep into my mind when i m least consciously controllin my tots..n as much as i hate to admit.. i really do miss u..

minahlian
- 11:13 PM

sometimes i wonder if im really stupid or juz plain dumb.. well they re pretty much e same arent they..

imagine tt ur all dressed up ready to meet the person tt asked u out for a movie..the day was meant for u to go home after sch to take a nap actually..but because tt person asks u out.. u go.. juz because.. n no other reason y.. person has to take a nap so i volunteer to cal n wake person up.. i ask to wake person up an hour before movie.but no..person wants me to cal half an hour instead.. insistin person can get up n ride us there.. okie fine..make my way home. bathe..change of clothes.. makeup all done.. calls person. person says oki comin down to meet u.. i wait at e gate like a fuckin fool.. then person calls at 330 when movie already started n said person fell asleep again.. wat pissed me off e most is not tt im all prepared or tt person fell asleep.its cause person did not bother to say tt person wanted to meet me even thou we cant catch tt movie n even had e cheek to ask me if im all dressed.. really.. a huge thank u to u..

its ironic how i absolutely detest n downrite hate it when pple pull e plug on a meetin rite down to e last second.. but yet when u do it.. i get pissed for a day or two..then i tend to forget it juz because ur askin me out another day.. well.. no more.. this time.. no more.. no more the fool again.. because this has happened not once, not twice but so many times..

i absolutely cant stand guys who dun wana plan ahead.. they leave everythin rite down to e last min assumin us girls can juz get up n leave e house in 5 mins like u do.. ya we can..but we will end up lookin like crap.. is tt wat u wan? when u dun inform or confirm in advance.. we end up waitin e whole fuckin day for u like a blardy idiot.. then.. if u forget or cancel last min..the fuckin day would hav been wasted.. guys pls.. acquire some sensitivity huh.. its not fun to play pple out n assume tt juz because we tok nice n say its okie means u can do it again n get away w it.. fuck tt..

minahlian
- 4:51 PM

im drained.. sch, work, life.. takin its toll on me.. fall asleep feelin lethargic, wake up feelin like shit.. arghh..wonder wat is happenin to me.. i think i shall juz quit my job.. prob work til next month n then stop workin totally till i grad end of e yr.. i need a long break from work man.. im burned out.. i have my whole life ahead of me to work..so i think i ll juz take a break.. uncle said he's gonna give me an allowance every month.. yup first time im gettin allowance monthly.. nv ever had a fixed allowance ever

frens r like buyin mother's day presents n all.. perfumes, shirts, shoes, skirt, bags, bake cookies blah blah.. n i juz asked my fren juz nw.. when is mother's day ah? forgive me for being ignorant..but.. i dun see e need to celebrate an occassion for someone who.. erm.. means pretty much nothin to me.. i mean i would cel grandmother's day or grandfather's day but mother's day.. e word is trash..

ive been gettin countless questions when i tel pple im stayin w my grandparents n uncle.. dun u miss ur parents? y like this ah? wat happened? ur siblings leh? n nope..i really dun miss my parents at all.. not one bit.. wat is there to miss when they haven been there ur whole life..n i cant rem a single bday present they ve given me..

at least my closer to my dad.. whom fetches me to sch.. from work ..even thou he s not stayin w me.. i mean.. sometimes i really pity my dad havin to put up w tt low mentality woman in e house.. dun say im rude..because basically my whole family hates my mum.. well dad dint take e advice of my grandma not to marry my mum so nw he has to fulfil his responsibility..

when u ask me wat my criteria of a future husband is.. i would say someone like my dad.. charmin, intelligent, responsible, humourous, fillial, care giver.. everythin.. however he has a pretty bad temper.. cant blame him for tt.. even 1 min juz on e phone w mum i feel like screamin at her.. u know everyday he sends mum to temple then me to sch..there is not one day when i wont hear dad screamin at mum..sometimes i wonder if i ll ever have a happy family life..

parents, grandparents, uncle, aunty.. they dun have a happy marriage.. either divorce or not married.. i wonder i wonder.

check these quotes out..
-There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
-A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
-Sex is like air. It isn't important unless you're not getting any.
-I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.
-Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

minahlian
- 8:07 PM

seems like after e editing is done.. all e drama appears.. i mean.. i think if u dun like somthin e grp is doin or is goin to do..i think u should voice it out.. dun keep it in then when everythin is done u wana blame it on e rest when i told u rite from day fuckin one to inform the rest of anythin ur not happy with.. pls.. grow up! dun pt fingers at e rest of us n blame it on us tt e proj dint turn out e way YOU expected.. I put in my fuckin best but did u?

n pls for e pple who dun appreciate e film when i show it to u..pls at least fuckin show some blardy enthusiasm can! dun like chat on msn la... walk here la.. play with cat la..tok on phone.. fuck la! then wana watch for wat.. asked u to stop e video but NO u wanted to watch rite.. then wana watch wat sai.. if ur readin this ..juz wanted to let u know..its rude.. very.. however sucky e video is.. hav some respect ..thank u

im sori this turned out to be an angry post..i mean ..yes.. it may not be e best damn movie u ever watched..but keep in mind..we did every single shit ourselves..n being first timers at this.. we may not be up to YOUR std but at least I try.. if u think im not good enuff for u.pls fuck off.. thank u

minahlian
- 4:49 PM

a fren, a not so close one, who is a guy juz freaked me out totally today when he so accurately told me wat he assumed happened w a past r/s.. its scary how some pple can so accurately guess events in ur life tt happened.. maybe its e way i speak? e way i carry myself? e way i smile? e way i laugh? e way i dun laugh? e way i dun smile?

anws editing s doneee.. saw e final cut of e film..i hope on presentation day i can watch it without laughin out loud.. haha. amit says he is gonna sit beside me w a ruler n smack me when e corner of my mouth even tries to curl upward.. evil director! i bet he will laugh too! like today! haha..

sleep beckons so im outtie!

minahlian
- 11:03 PM

been quite some time since i have been able to sleep till like 12 noon.. a classmate said ive been lookin tired e past few days.. said tt as girls we should take care of our skin.. n thus got me all paranoid n all.. tot i was lookin like shit.. well met her juz nw n she said i looked betta! guess sleep really helps..

past two days..somehow e topic of pple sayin tt my round face is juz baby fats.. i wonder how they can tel..but they juz say.. u can see one laaa.. no complains for me rite there man.. hmm but i wonder when will i stop being a baby n lose e fatsss!

well ktv after so long was great as per normal.. great to juz sing n let loose every nw n then.. spore idol? nah i dun think so..spare me all e embarrassment of havin to audtion n humiliation from e insults given..haha..joyce charbo said she expected me to sound whiney when i sing!! WHINEY!??! like hello!! well.. at least betta then miss "use mic also cannot hear sai " joyce.. haha

then it was off to this jap western restaurant changing appetites..shitloads of food me n joyce had man.. had.. some fried mushroom thingy.. seafood platter for THREE.. a huge ass drink AND strawberry cheese mudpie.. obseity baby!


wheee

way to go lookin like a glutton joyce!

minahlian
- 10:10 PM

colour floods to the spot, dull purple
the rest of the body is all washed out
the colour of pearl

in a pit of rock
the sea sucks obsessively
one hollow the whole sea s pivot

the size of a fly
the doom mark
crawls down the wall

the heart shuts
the sea slides back
the mirrors are sheeted


one of sylvia plath s final poem before she gassed herself
tone of futility n resignation
images of doom n death
total withdrawal from humanity
death associated w defeat rather than rebirth


u say u dun feel the same for her anymore
and nw ur holdin her hand?

minahlian
- 10:15 PM

n so dee n i were tokin on msn a few nites ago.. i casually brought up the info tt another fren passed on to me.. tt indian dudes outta e primary races in spore are erm well-est endowed.. n so this began our "different from our usual line of tok" but interestin n mind intrigin convo bout e neither region of ahem guys.. another topic tt arised was e topic of malays n how they seem to be e ones w many kids n often at a young age.. dee then asked me if i would end up w a chinese guy or other races..i seriously like nv tot of it.. i seem to be attracted to guys other then of my own race..im chinese once again! ive always wana to be eurasian.. but since tt is not possible..maybe i could hav a eurasian baby? haha.. we both then tried to decipher the many levels of meanings n significance that goes into the word "boyfriend"..dee did not understand e need for e title boyfren as long as u feel comfy w him tt s all tt matters.. but i guess its a words tt means so many things like comfort warmth security fren blah blah.. juz like e word "marriage"

anws i went for my first yoga lesson yest.. somehow a "sis" seems to always recommend me all e 3 jobs ive gotten so far.. a certain affinity somehow.. so thus e one n a half hour class in a 40 deg high room almost killed me.. left me sweatin like a pig n wantin to vomit.. i was surprised w e low blood count i had i dint black out.. but was a good experience.. trust me .. e flexibility tt i tot id possess would be a great asset did not do much at all.. stamina was wat mattered..

editing almost at its final stages.. whee! with e cuts n transitions n music added in, it almost looks like a real movie.. haha..key word is almost.. somehow.. i think we all lacked charisma on screen..maybe being amatuers we were too self conscious..till nw its tough to look at urself on screen doin expressions n speakin..its juz.. embarrassin for me.. director said he wanted to send it in to e spore art fest n film houses.. oh wells.. we ll see how it goes..

u know .. havin a crush is fun.. yup somehow i began to find myself attracted to somebody.. *grin* gives u a reason to go to sch n to get up in e morn.. haha..cant believe it took me a good one yr n 8 months to find tt attraction.. but its all but juz a harmless little crush la.. not going to be n will nv be possible..because of so many factors.. but who cares.. i hav a crush! whee..
ps: i can so see tt cheeky grin on ur face ah dee!

minahlian
- 6:58 PM