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Thursday, April 06, 2006
was readin a guys blog.. e guy who juz so happened to be an admirer of my dearest fren.. hmm..stirs up those memories of crushes n loves..
i wana hav a crush again.. i wan tt upsettin churnin butterflies in ur stomach feelin when u see tt someone.. i wan to be obsessed w my reflection hopin tt its perfect for him.. i wan to see tt look in his eyes n tt im e onli one in his world.. i wan to squeal n tear when i catch an unexpected sight of him.. i wan tt crazy vomit triggerin heart thumpin feelin when i know tt he is already at e scheduled location waitin for me..juz like every girl with a fairytale fantasy.. i wana be in love.. again
but somehow im afraid.. afraid of him tellin me im not gd enuff for him..afraid tt he doesnt like me for e things i do or say.. afraid tt he doesnt like me for me.. afraid tt i dun look perfect for him.. afraid tt i wont compare up to his ex/es.. afraid of quarrels n arguments n not makin up.. afraid of fallin too darn hard onli for it to end in a snap.. afraid of tryin to damn hard onli to fail at meetin his expectations.. afraid to hear e words its over.. juz afraid...
when my last r/s ended.. like many others out there.. i went thro a rollercoaster of emotions.. hurt.. pain.. disbelieve.. insecurity.. anger..hate.. jealousy..nonchalance.. u name it.. however all these eventually..juz like words in e sand.. has to be washed away by time..someday.. in order to be loved.. u dun needa be perfect.. u need to love urself first.. u need compromise n understandin.. e ability to listen n be heard.. u need to give but also to take.. its takes two to tango.. two hands to clap..it juz takes two.. im stil tryin not to blame myself for e failure in e last one..n sometimes i wonder.. if im worthy of e next one..
like daddy said.. i caught u when u first fell into this world n im gonna catch u each time u fall n bring u back to ur feet.. thank u daddy..
minahlian
- 4:33 PM
