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I must admit that playing the field is a whole lot of fun, but so is being in a serious relationship -- provided that it's with the right woman. But how do you know if she really is the right woman for you? If she possesses the following 10 traits, you better hold on to her for dear life or, before you know it, a guy who already knows where it's at will get his hands on your "goods."
Number 10 She's independent No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while, like if she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can't seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you're suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit. On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you -- while still missing you, of course -- then she must be a great girlfriend.
Number 9 She's intelligent I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. A woman who can meet you at an intellectual level is a total turn-on. Instead of being the one in total control, you'll find yourself trying to figure out what she's really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers -- or if she's actually thinking at all. An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won't let you get bored of her. Besides, it's nice to have something to talk about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.
Number 8 She's sexual While we're on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. For instance, if you're into S&M and she's more the "fluffy lingerie" type, that's a problem. The two of you have to be on the same page -- or, at least, she has to be willing to wear leather and use a whip from time to time. Of course, this doesn't imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction towards each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom, or on top of the dryer -- whatever the case may be.
Number 7 She's beautiful I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together -- matching lingerie is a definite plus. You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light. And this doesn't mean that she has to be a Heidi Klum clone. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if you think her full bottom or uncontrollable curls are beautiful, you're allowed.
Number 6 She respects you This is a biggie. Your woman must respect you. This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with what you're saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or belittle you in any way, shape, or form. A great girlfriend won't ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private. If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing. |
She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you to be yourself. Just like you wouldn't deprive her of going shopping with her best girlfriend, she shouldn't expect you to give up the guys for her.
However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her, and she lets you have it, then you're setting yourself up for disaster. This is a situation that nobody would let slide -- not even a great girlfriend.
She'll actually empathize with your brother's getting dumped and suggest that you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won't roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she'll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).
Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis. If the sight of you doesn't seem to faze her either way, and she doesn't really seem to care about what you have to say, she's either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy. But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up, there's no denying that she loves you.
However, if the woman you are dating is more like the polar opposite, then I don't think that getting serious with her would be in your best interest -- but you knew that already, didn't you?
Men love their freedom. For many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting for the hills. The dreaded "C-word" implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety and the looming specter of financial devastation.
And the statistics bear this out ‑- the U.S. Census reports that, over the past four decades, the rate of marriage has definitely been on the decrease. According to the National Marriage Project, a study undertaken at Rutgers University, men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. Cohabitation ‑- commitment with an escape hatch ‑- is on the rise. So what is the explanation for this phenomenon? Just why are men so afraid of commitment these days? Here are a few of the reasons:
We men are extremely independent by nature. We like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted ‑- going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon ‑- suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always no. Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of our own wants or desires.
We like guy things ‑- we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. Suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been reupholstered in pastel paisley and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.
We naturally crave sexual variety. When we commit ‑- either in marriage or cohabitation ‑- we willingly volunteer to cut ourselves off from any other sexual pursuits. Sexual boredom can set in, followed by a total lack of desire. For a lot of us ‑- even guys who weren't getting a lot of action anyway ‑- this can be the scariest consequence of all.
When we've been divorced and run through the wringer of the court system, many of us are reluctant (read: "terrified") to risk a second commitment. Nowadays, we aren't exactly chomping at the bit to sign a contract legally allowing a woman to clean us out financially. Successful achievers ‑- those of us who have built companies and high-powered careers from the ground up ‑- are especially afraid of being forced to hand over all the fruits of our hard labor and may make the decision never to get involved in a serious relationship again.
Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes ‑- for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied ‑- but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a woman who's not right for us, it's too late.
Commitment implies the ability to compromise ‑- ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're cut off from sex."
Serious relationships suck up an enormous amount of time and energy ‑- they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine her, interact with her family, remember her birthday or pick her up from work. For some of us, it's just too much work.
These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house or actively play the field.
We learned pretty fast that some women can't be trusted ‑- it seems like they're looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.
For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now . So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down ‑- pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.
minahlian
- 4:41 PM
