Monday, December 25, 2006
y do pple do countdowns? i mean like wat is the purpose of a countdown anyway? doesnt it juz come n go regardless of if u verbally count it down or think it or juz ignore it totally? call me indifferent. but ive nv been to a countdown ever in my 21 yrs of livin. nv did. nv had. nv planned to. tt is. until i met the bf. the countdown was done w him n his frens at st james power station, a place tt suddenly sprung up after i came back from oklahoma (okie maybe i dun follow the news). anws i stil wasnt able to convince myself tt "woo hoo 5,4,3,2,1 merry xmas lehh". i duno. im juz indifferent like tt. in some ways.
in other ways, i wan to be indifferent but i juz fail to do so. u know how some pple juz cant help but check out an ex'es or an ex'es current fling or the spouse's ex fling's blog/frenster/lj/website, juz, because. well, i, for one outta many others, m ashamed to say tt im guilty of such sneaky behaviour. n am not surprised to find out tt a certain individual tt im veryveryvery close to is also gulity of such
pleasures, if i may cal it tt.
y so insecure? i ask myself. honestly i think tt ans is.one word- competition. no seriously.i mean we dun like to lose. we dun like the word NO. when we get rejected/ meet w a failure/hit rock bottom. its a NO to ur efforts. we dun like tt guy/girl tt we like to tel us "no". we dun like for someone to breakup/ reject us n then go after/accept someone new in their life. i think its tt primal animal instincts tt is innate to all of us. tt instinct to "hunt" n to be the best at it. tt instinct to mate n not be rejected. tt instinct to wana "stand tall" n look dashing. yes? no? okie i really duno.
i really think im blabbering. im sick and mind-farked. ans my ques if u could pls. help me out here.
minahlian
- 10:17 PM
